A Short Film I Wrote...

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
A sixteen-year old girl, Jo, is standing next to Nick during their drama lesson - with other people in the background rehearsing their plays. They are talking - with it being obvious Jo likes Nick.. she is playing with her hair, touching him, and enjoying talking to him. ‘The White Stripes - Hypnotize’ accompanies this scene.

NICK (V.O.)
Plastic. False. Unreal. We spent three months together... happily I may add. Yet, when she saw the opportunity, she jumped ships. However, when she attempted this jump - she didn't bring a big enough bridge, which collapsed as she walked across it. She's now single, as am I.

Nick starts to play fight with Jo.

NICK (V.O.)
However -- the two months I've spent being over her, she's spent reworking her affections for me. Slowly flirting, slowly dropping subtle hints that she wants me back, but despite all her present beauty, I don't want to hear it. I don't want those three months again. How ever great they were, I am beginning a phase where girls mean about as much to me as cat litter... nothing. The girls I like, don't like me... the girls I don't like, like me... how does this premise work? Do I substitute personality, beauty, intelligence, humour, enjoyment, attraction, social status, friendship, personal tastes, music, clothes I wear, people I hang around with, out of college commitments, just so that I can have someone attached to my arm?

Jo punches Nick in the chest. He falls to the ground.

NICK (V.O.)
I'll pass. I’ll pass on most of my life at the moment. I’ve turned to alternative rock, I’ve stopped drinking, I think drugs are bad, that meat is disgusting, that we shouldn’t kill our environment... I’ve started to care about politics, about third world children starving, about getting good grades, about having a career, that life isn’t just a hazy bubble... Now, if only I hadn’t handed in my letter of resignation last Saturday after another one of those parties...

CUT TO:

INT. DANCEFLOOR - NIGHT
The dancefloor is packed full of drunk teenagers dancing. Nick, looking the most drunk out of all them, is dancing away - looking like a right idiot to those who are sober. He is trying to blend into dance groups, but his poor dancing really doesn’t get him much attention. The dancefloor is pretty small - at the front of the dancefloor is a DJ, surrounded by lights and two big sets of speakers. The lights flash different colours. The music being played in the club is ‘Westside Connection - Gangsta Nations’. It’s quite hard for people to dance as the dancefloor is so crowded, with lots of people on the dancefloor kissing, or dancing with the opposite sex.

NICK (V.O.)
This is the highlight of our teenage life. Spending our Friday nights in a small little club, with a bar that will serve anyone... Getting horrendously drunk, so drunk that we don’t actually remember or feel anything we do. Our consequences stay inside this club, the fights last no more than seven minutes, and the wankers come out of their shell. Great, isn’t it? We try to see what females are interested in us... Expecting everyone we look at to suddenly fall at our feet. That our attraction to them seals a victory. Of course, let’s think about this properly... smelling like the back of a McDonald’s burger van on a hot summer’s day isn’t probably the best way to pull - is it? I thought not.

CUT TO:

INT. BAR - LATER
Nick is drinking another drink beside the bar, which is packed, but not as busy as the dancefloor is. He’s talking to Gail, an attractive seventeen-year old girl. She too is drunk. Playing in the club is ‘ATL - The One’.

NICK
Yeah, so basically...

NICK (V.O.)
This is the first stage of pulling a girl... engaging in babble. If you can throw enough babble at a girl, and she’s drunk enough, she’ll forget about the smell of B.O. and the fact that you have a constellation of spots on your forehead and actually fancy you. This fancying lasts for about eight minutes, and will never leave the club... If it does, God have mercy on you.

GAIL
So, do you want to dance?

NICK (V.O.)
Dance. The invitation to privacy. It’s amazing how when two people want to engage in privacy they move somewhere where it’s crowded, sweaty, hormonal and noisy...

Nick and Gail head to the dancefloor.

CUT TO:

INT. DANCEFLOOR - LATER
Gail and Nick are talking on the dance floor, their dance is pretty much non existent. They don’t have much space, and have to avoid people behind them knocking into them. This, in a way, brings them closer to each others. The song playing in the club is ‘OutKast - The Way You Move’

NICK (V.O.)
Once you stay at the bar for longer than three minutes, it’s pretty hard to get your legs moving again. Your dancing is pretty non existent, your conversation is moving swiftly into what is on both of your minds... Whether it’s a good choice to attempt it on her.

GAIL
So, do you have your eye on anyone tonight?

NICK (V.O.)
An invitation in simply nine words if answered correctly...

NICK
Not really, yourself?

GAIL
I’ve pulled someone already, but not really...

NICK (V.O.)
Not what you want to hear. It’s that shimmer of doubt you want to avoid. Next step; go for the sympathy vote.

NICK
Yeah, I haven’t really tried to pull anyone tonight.

GAIL
Why?

NICK
I don’t know... Just haven’t.

GAIL
Try now.

Gail and Nick’s eye-contact is locked. Suddenly, the whole dance floor slows down around them as Gail and Nick look at each others. The tension is unbearable, she has just made it clear what she wants, but Nick doesn’t know what to do.

NICK (V.O.)
Two things cross your mind. Actually, only one thing crosses your mind. She has just made a blatant invitation for you to get off with her... and then, all of sudden, your hormones fall out of your mind, and you actually don’t want to connect with anyone. It’s like emotionally, you’re selfish, that you don’t actually want to be with this girl, no matter how attractive she is. You haven’t pulled for weeks - this is your big chance - do something Nick, do it now Nick - but no, you’d rather not... You’d rather go home, sleep, wake up and think “should I have?” instead... Wouldn’t you Nick?

Gail moves towards Nick, it’s his moment of choice. Around him, everyone is moving in very very slow motion - he can see Gail moving ever so closer to him as each moment passes.

NICK (V.O.)
To be or not to be. That is the question. Yes or no...

Nick moves back. The dancefloor resumes it’s normal pace. Gail looks dissatisfied. ‘Radiohead - Everything in Its Right Place’ starts to play over the film.

NICK
Maybe I will later...

Gail leaves Nick on the dancefloor. She pulls another random guy.

NICK (V.O.)
And suddenly, in a space of seconds, you’re all alone in space. Everyone has suddenly coupled up. You turn around to see the same girl in a mouth-lock with another guy... Do you envy the guy, or do you pity him?
Nick starts to walk towards the bar again.

NICK (V.O.)
You have just wasted your lifeline, and to the bar you head. The slowest walk of your life, as every emotion possible crosses through your mind. You sober up very quickly, you realize the music is crap, that the people you hang around with are as shallow as an emptied paddling pool... And contrary to popular belief, the lack of lust actually completes you. You feel as full as a cherry pie, you feel happy and jolly, and this superb sense of being euphorically happy. You don’t actually fancy anyone in the most popular club, being around the best-looking girls you’ve ever seen...

FADE OUT:

Comments to ronnie_joice@hotmail.com please!
- posted by Ronnie @ 7:03 PM